I am a child with an old soul. I see magic in everything, but at the same time, everything tires me because I feel everything so very deeply
-Juansen Dizon
When I was scrolling the internet, this quote stopped me. I wondered what the writer experienced and how old he was when he wrote such words. For someone to feel this way, “he must be really old,” I thought and continued reading the lines several times. I sensed familiarity in them. It most definitely made me think of a lot of things. Most all are why? A lot of times, I say I feel like a 70-year-old man who wants to drink some tea and rest, but I myself haven’t sensed it why do I say such words? And I rarely feel like a 70-year-old woman, for instance. It’s the difference between them, mostly from what I’ve seen from my grandparents.
My grandma always likes people around here. She wouldn’t mind changing her schedule all the time to stay with them for longer even though we are there like every other day. We live so close by, but still, she’d shift everything that day, which is the complete opposite of my grandpa he loves his space, his meals and tea at a specific time, watches the news at a specific time and then goes to sleep at his usual time, he wouldn’t mind spending some time with us, but he mostly doesn’t bare that much noise. I’m not at all saying that it is bad or good it is just the difference between them(man and woman) that amazes me and how, without even realising I already said that “I feel like a 70-year-old man”, and that all just came after thinking about it and I love all these differences and of course, not everyone is the same it’s also fine but, it always amazes me how did my mind decide what it feels like without even me analysing all of these.
This led me to why I would feel such feelings when I’m just in my teens; it’s too early, I thought. I feel so exhausted to the point where I want to be 70-year-old to rest, and that, unfortunately, came years after when that thought first came to me, so I decided whenever I feel that feeling again, I should rest at that moment, but that didn’t mean to stop my life and everything. It just meant to make everything easier. If I didn’t feel like working out that day, I wouldn’t; whatever felt like I was pushing myself, I didn’t do it. I rescheduled what was possible. To take as much rest as possible. At the weekend, I’d stop myself even from the thought that I needed to do something productive. I’d rest. Sometimes, a day was enough; sometimes, a weekend, a week or two; sometimes. It happens often, and sometimes, every other month. Still, I felt that life was a little bit easier after that.
I don’t know why we feel such a rush for everything, whether it is us, the world around us, or social media, but we do feel the rush. And it wasn’t just me; I asked people around me who were around my age, and most of them said yes if not all of them.
Then it occurred to me how many people around the world felt that same feeling, thinking that they were alone like I did. I’m not saying by any means that we are the same. That most definitely is wrong I believe that everyone is different in their own way. I’m just saying that most feelings can sometimes be the same, far from the reason that caused them, in my belief. It’s like depression; a lot of people are depressed, unfortunately, but it doesn’t mean that they are depressed for the same reason.
I sometimes believe that everything in the world works that way, and sometimes I don’t, depending on the situation. And many of my opinions depend on the situation, and I believe that all of us should. I know we all have our own beliefs that we grow up on, or we believe in as time goes by, but we shouldn’t stick to something in all situations; there is a saying that is used a lot where I live that goes something like “All our fingers are not the same how can everything else be.”
So, in the end, magic is pretty much in everything and everywhere, but why would we search for magic so much that it exhausts us? It’s not worth it. Feeling everything so deeply is something I haven’t figured out yet, so I can say nothing about it, but I can say that I sometimes try to think nothing because nothing is better than everything at times.
Feel safe, everyone. I hope that joy finds you in anything and everything or in the nothing that you do today.
Chao,
Dalal.